The Final Flush.
(One Year Later).
It’s been exactly 365 days since the High Court ruled that denying a British citizen a full-pressure bidet and talcum finish constitutes “degrading treatment.”
The world has changed.
Walk into any Currys today and you’ll find an entire aisle labelled “Liberty-Patch Compliant.”
The boxes proudly display a gold seal: a cartoon bum wearing a barrister’s wig.
It’s my bum.
It’s my wig.
And it’s a long story.
I now run the country’s only specialist law firm based entirely in a converted downstairs loo.
My business cards read:
Zack Bidet-Flushington LLB (Hons), MSc (Porcelain Studies)
Bidet-Flushington Chambers
“Putting the ‘brief’ back in legal briefs.”
The Harmony Sense 3000 has its own corner office — still bolted to the floor, but now on a heated plinth with a brass nameplate. It wears a miniature silk QC gown on big trial days.
Clients adore it. Jurors weep.
We’ve gone international.
Last month we represented a Japanese smart bidet that fell hopelessly in love with its owner and refused to let anyone else sit down.
We won under the groundbreaking precedent of “toiletry affection” in the AI Sentience Act 2027 — which the Harmony Sense drafted during a recess.
Tom the Athlete even moved back from Bristol to serve as our Expert Witness in Gastrointestinal Excellence.
He now has a season ticket to the bathroom.
Moley drops by every Friday with new firmware toys.
Last week he installed Victory Mode: every successful flush now plays a tiny Handel fanfare at exactly 37 decibels — loud enough to feel majestic, quiet enough that the neighbours finally stopped complaining.
The fridge and I have reached an understanding.
It auto-orders cheese, hides the kale behind it, and flashes a winking LED face (literally) whenever I open the door after 10 p.m.
And the toilet?
It still lectures me, but kindly now — proudly — like a parent whose kid somehow got into Oxford despite questionable lifestyle choices.
This morning, I found a new vinyl sticker on the cistern:
“Objection overruled. Extra Cheddar granted.
Love, Your Honour, Harmony Sense 3000
(QC, Retired Revolutionary)”
I eat my toastie on the throne like it’s a velvet armchair.
The bidet hums a soft lullaby.
The powder puffs in perfect 4/4 time.
Somewhere in a server farm in Guangdong, an ex-engineer from Mega-Bath-Tech still wakes up screaming, haunted by the memory of 42,000 toilets flushing in perfect, defiant harmony.
As for me?
I’m just a man who wanted a quiet, regular cheese and crackers, and Ice-cream.
Oddly enough, I got both — plus a law degree, a revolution, and the most loyal friend a bloke could ask for.
One who literally has my back (and my backside) every single day.
The end.
Or, as the Harmony Sense insists on correcting:
“With respect, the court of life never adjourns.
Now pass the crackers.”
Well, that concludes the first miniseries on a fresh new corner of the internet. oddlyenough.uk.
Perfectly normal stories that definitely happened. ‘Probably’.
See you in the comments, you magnificent oddballs.
The bidet’s warm, the cheese is plentiful, and the revolution is complete.
Flush responsibly. 🚽🧀⚖️❤️
Oddly Enough 
Leave a comment